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I heard Teenage Daughter Amish asking if there was somewhere she could change her "bloomers." I wasn't wearing bloomers, but my thong needed replacing like the original Darren on "Bewitched." The first clue was then located in an envelope, on a messy desk. I read aloud:"The more you take, the more you leave behind?" Everyone stood around looking to me for a solution like I was Paul Lynde on "Hollywood Squares." Elementary," I retorted in my best Benedict Cumberbatch dialect. The answer is (Wait for it!)... footprints. At which point we went en masse to the next room, following a very visible set of footprints through generic cat food, the loud crunching making conversation impossible, so I resorted to sign language. While looking at Cyn, I spread my index and middle fingers wide then let my tongue slither between them enticingly. The international language. Mom Amish watched, screamed, "Mein Gott," and immediately crashed to the ground like the Hindenburg."Oh, the humanity!" I. “I’d like to be eight again,” she replied, still looking in the mirror.On the morning of her birthday, I arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park.What a day!I put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.We staggered out of the theme park five hours later. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. I then took her to a McDonald’s and ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!She finally wobbled home and collapsed into bed exhausted.I leaned over my wife & with a big smile lovingly asked, “Well, Dear, what was it like being eight again?”Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.“I meant my dress size, you @#! idiot!!!”The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it.
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